Problem
Solving Between Us
Sermon by Jack Nazary
Calvary Baptist – 1984; West
Jackson Baptist 1989; Yockanookany Baptist 1990
"If
your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you,
you have won your brother.”But if he does not listen to you, take one or two
more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE
CONFIRMED. "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if
he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a
tax collector.
Matthew
18:15-17
In conflicts
between us, we neglect the steps set forth in the Word of God. If these steps were followed, it would answer
Christ’s prayer in John 17:21 - that
they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they
also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me.
Let’s look
at Matthew 18:15-17 to discuss the proper steps in problem solving between us.
“If your brother”… We are to have love for one another. The use of Brother in this verse is a term of endearment to illustrate that your fellow Christians are your family. God and the world expect us to demonstrate special loyalty to each other. In fact, 1 John 3:16 states that We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. In John 13, Jesus explains to the disciples the importance of loving one another even as Jesus himself loves us, we are to loved others in the same way. The love that we have will show all men that we are Disciples of Christ.
“Sins…” The King James Version expands “sins” by
saying “shall trespass against you”. The
word trespass here in the New Testament is not used elsewhere. In this particular verse, trespass means to
miss the mark; to cause one not to share in a prize. The words “against you” are not in some
manuscripts. In basic sense, when a
Christian sins “against you”, he misses the mark by damaging the reputation of
Christ and offends all that are called by that name. When David sinned, the prophet said because by this deed you have given occasion
to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme – 2 Samuel 12:14. In other words, his sin caused others to
fail and disrespect the Lord. Our first
response when we see a brother “sin” or miss the mark is to think “He hasn’t
really offended me, therefore, I’m not responsible”, but the Bible makes it our
responsibility. When one member of the
body hurts, the whole body hurts.
“Go…” Going to someone that has sinned is God’s
greatest test of genuine love. It is
easy to pass judgment in your mind and forget it. It is easy to tell someone else hoping that
they will do something about it. It is
easier to go boldly to him and tell him he’s wrong. However, the best way to “go” is in the spirit
of Galatians 6:1 - Brethren, even if
anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in
a spirit of gentleness ; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not
be tempted.
Before we “go”, we need to examine ourselves to see if we have
failed in similar areas.
- Our judgment - Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. And we know that the judgment of God rightly falls upon those who practice such things. But do you suppose this, O man, when you pass judgment on those who practice such things and do the same yourself, that you will escape the judgment of God? Romans 2:1-3
- Our lack of prayer for the person – "Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by ceasing to pray for you; but I will instruct you in the good and right way. 1 Samuel 12:23
- Our failure to be an example to him - and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. Hebrews 12:13; …restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. Galatians 6:1
“Show
him his fault…” This step is very
difficult. The questions that we may
have – What do I say as I approach him?; What reason can I give for talking
about something he doesn’t want to discuss?; How can I avoid giving the
impression that I’m intruding in his private business especially if the offense
was not directly against me? The answer
is that we should simply say “I always want to give a good report about you to
anyone who asks. For this reason, I
wonder if you could explain something to me that I’m not sure I understand.” This shows you are loyal and not condemning
him, but coming as a learner and servant.
If the offense is against you personally, you might say, “Is there
something that I have done to cause you to react to me in this way.”
Be sure to
look at yourself. Do you have a beam or
a splinter in your eye? – "Why do
you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log
that is in your own eye? “Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the
speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? "You
hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see
clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Matthew 7:3-5
Sometimes
being able to examine ourselves and pointing out our own fault, helps others to
see theirs in the same area.
If you have
the slightest offense, attitude, or neglect on your part that might have
contributing to his offense you must follow Matthew 5:23-24 - "Therefore if you are presenting your
offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against
you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled
to your brother, and then come and present your offering.
“his
fault in private…” This is must be
between you and him alone. If you tell
someone else before talking to “him”, 3 problems tend to be created:
1.
We prove to
God and the ones that we tell that we don’t love the offender and we don’t love
the Lord himself who said in John 14:15 –
If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
2.
We tempt the
listener to take up offense against him which may destroy friendships. A
perverse man spreads strife, And a slanderer separates intimate friends.
Proverbs 16:28
3.
It can
destroy the sincerity of our approach and hinder the potential of restoring him. Argue
your case with your neighbor, And do not reveal the secret of another, Proverbs
25:9
To give a
bad report to another is to speak evil of “him”. The most important reason to go directly to
the offender is to check out all the facts – get the facts from the “horse’s
mouth.”
“If he listens to you, you have won your brother…” God assumes that we want to win the brother back rather than condemn him. If we go to expose him, we fall into the temptation warned about in Galatians 6:1 - you too will not be tempted. Typically the greatest offense to us or others is through words. We are not always sure what word mean to others. When we share with “him” what his words meant to us, it will help him to be more precise in his message to others. If we assume that he meant what we heard him say and attack him for it, we are using Satan’s most effective tool of dividing Christians in the church.
“But
if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE
MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED”… If
it is difficult to go to the offender alone, it may be even more difficult to
go a 2nd time with the right witnesses, but it may be necessary if
the steps Jesus suggested are to be followed in restoring a brother who persists
in his offense. If he offense was by
words, two or three confirms what “he” meant by the words spoken. If the
offense was by actions, the ideal witness would be those who conquered similar
problems. In other words, those that
have battled similar problems could witness to him first before witnessing
against him.
“If he
refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church…” The purpose of this statement is not to
expose, but to enlist the help of the church in restoring the brother. As more know, the more humbling it is to the
offender. James 4:6 - But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it
says, "GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE." This grace is the desire and power to do God’s
will and this is what he needs to overcome his problem. It can also be a warning and cleansing agent
within the church. One person’s
stumbling is likely to happen to others in the church. Therefore, the exposure can help others keep
from stumbling as well. The response of
the church should be that of prayer and fasting for self-examination. As “he” sees the church humbled it can be
motivation for him to repent. We need to
ask the offender for forgiveness if the church has contributed to the
offense.
“if he refuses to listen even to the church,
let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
In 2
Corinthians 2:6-8, Paul says that Sufficient
for such a one is this punishment which was inflicted by the majority, so that
on the contrary you should rather forgive and comfort him, otherwise
such a one might be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. Wherefore I urge you to
reaffirm your love for him.
In 1 Timothy
5:19-21, Paul reinforces the procedure.
This assumes that there should be harmony, unity in church. Do not receive an accusation against an
elder except on the basis of two or three witnesses. Those who continue in sin,
rebuke in the presence of all, so that the rest also will be fearful of
sinning. I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and
of His chosen angels, to maintain these principles without bias, doing nothing
in a spirit of partiality. If not, the church should be cleaned before discipline. If
anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that
person and do not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame. Yet do
not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother. 2 Thessalonians 3:14-15
According to
1 Corinthians 5:11-13, there are six offenses that require church discipline. -
But actually, I wrote to you not to
associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous,
or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler -not even to eat
with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge
those who are within the church? 1 But those who are outside, God judges.
REMOVE THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOURSELVES.
Fornicator –
to have illicit sexual relations; whoremongers
Covetous –
to have more; to have that which belongs to others; greed
Idolatry –
turning away from God to idols either openly or in secret, consciously or
unconsciously.
Reviler – to
abuse
Drunkard –
to be drunk with wine; intoxicated
Swindler –
plundering; to carry away by force; spoiling
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